One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Sometimes, it feels like every bit of progress I make is eaten up by disaster. Start paying off my credit card, get hit by a $80 prescription. My dental insurance paid for one tooth but denied the other for some reason they will 'explain later.' A death in the family has eaten my savings for Christmas.

I am still so committed to paying off my debt, but it's been more difficult than I expected it to be. I'm depressed, of course. I miss my mother. Her death was not unexpected, but more sudden than any of us had figured.

I stare at my budget spreadsheet, trying to figure out how to make things go faster, but it's just not possible without having any savings at all, or until my husband can help with the bills. It's frustrating.

What Keeps Me Up At Night

The Current Financial Situation

I make twice as much now as I did six months ago, so why is it harder to live on?

Well, first things first, six months ago I was not paying on my massive private student loans. Six months ago, the Husband had a stipend and was paying his share, some $200 dollars a month. Six months ago, my commute was five miles, not thirty. It adds up.

I thought I'd break out the budget into categories and try to figure out why I feel just as broke as I did in my shitty temp job.

Holy Shit. I'm spending 53% percent of my income paying down debt. I feel as strapped as I did six months ago because really,I'm still living off the same amount I did then, plus I'm paying for Hubby's share of everything except rent.

Wow. I actually feel better. I thought I was turning into one of those crazy misers who wouldn't be happy no matter how much she made.

A very long week...

I am prone to be depressed. I do not have enough estrogen to function like a human being, and I am literally too fat for the only medicine that's ever helped. Still, even if I had started the week chipper, it would have been rough.

Root canal on Monday, followed by excruiciating pain. My lip went numb at 2 am that night, and I called the dentist the next morning. This was apparently a sign the bacteria were chowing down on my nerves. New antibiotic.

Boss got sick, and spent Tuesday mostly dead. I covered one of her meetings and rescheduled the rest. It doesn't help that our job is supposedly imppossible. But I truely do believe there is no try. We will make this process change. We may not be able to make the horses drink, but we will lead them to the water.

The worst thing, though, is that my husband got a job offer he's not going to take. It's not the 'right kind' of chemistry. Yes, Environmental Health is a far cry from drug discovery but the economy is in shambles and I pay his half of the groceries (100$/month), the electric ($50/month), the internet ($40/month) and anything else that comes up. He's *supposed* to be working on his thesis, but I don't think he's touched it in months. I'm out of ideas. I need to get him off the sofa before the urge to smother him gets too strong.